Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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