am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
