I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
