I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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