Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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