Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
