if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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