So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
