This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
