He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
