A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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