We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
