I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
