im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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