there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
