so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
