you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
