im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
