Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
