I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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