I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
