I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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