just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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