My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Operation Purity has been aborted
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
