**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
