And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
