Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
