so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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