3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
