She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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