There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
