Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
