The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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