drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize