I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
