so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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