I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
