dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
