During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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