He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
