When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
