Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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