there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
