I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
