I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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