I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
