Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i've created a new STD.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
