I'm really into asian looking animals
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
