I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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