I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
