My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
