I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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