My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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