My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
