I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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