You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
