I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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