We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
