Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
