Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
