you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
