i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
