He asked to "fluff my boner.."
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
