in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
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