She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
