he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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