I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
